Reflections of Love
by Oihane Lisimba
Summary: Written for a contest on Third Floor Corridor. Hermione reflects on the year with Severus after he is killed by Voldemort when he was exposed as a spy.


**DISCLAIMER: Don't own it. That honor goes to Rowling.**

**This fanfic was written for a contest on Third Floor Corridor.

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Hermione locked herself in her Head Girl rooms, curled up in her bed and cried. She knew his work was dangerous. She also knew that they should never have been together. It was wrong on many, many levels.

First, he was about twenty years older than her. Second, he was her teacher. But she loved him, and threw away the rules of society. It's not like it was illegal. She _was_ seventeen when they started seeing each other, but her brain told her it was wrong. Third, she was muggleborn and he spied on the Death Eaters. Forth, she was a strong supporter of the light, best friend of Harry Potter. He was believed to be, by the dark side, to be of the dark side.

And now she wished she never followed her heart. Now, he was dead. How? Only Harry knew how, and she didn't stay around to hear about it. She _couldn't_. Voldemort found him as a spy, and she felt it was her fault. Someone must have found out about their relationship. A Death Eater in a serious love relationship with a muggleborn of the Light was a sure way to get killed if found out. Severus told her that enough times.

Hermione wasn't exactly sure how they fell in love with each other. Sometime during sixth year, when Harry was busy with school and training, Ron started helping out with the Order, even though he wasn't a member yet, and Hermione involved herself with learning even more than before. Perhaps it was when she ran out of potions books in the library to read and went to Severus to borrow some. Perhaps it was when Hermione stumbled on something had the possibility to tear Voldemort's immortality away from him. Or, perhaps, it was when they started to spend so much time together, getting to know each other better and better.

Eventually, Harry and Ron found out about her and Severus' secret relationship. It was bound to happen, of course. Hermione, Ron, and Harry have known each other since they were eleven, and knew pretty much everything about each other, especially their reactions. She was constantly making excuses to be away, even after curfew, and one night they followed her right to Severus' chambers. They were waiting for her outside her room when he came back, confronting her. That night she told them everything.

To say they were angry with her was an understatement. Ron was convinced that Severus did something to her to control her, and Harry just believed he was taking advantage of her. In the end, they still didn't believe her, but he was able to 'convince' them to take a Wizards Oath not to tell anyone.

The next day, though, a Sunday, Harry went to 'talk' with Severus. Actually, according to both Harry and Severus, it was more of a yelling match, with neither of them listening to the other. Hermione wasn't able to get from either one of them _how_ exactly they came to an agreement and started trusting each other, but she figured it had something to do with caring about her, because Severus was able to convince Harry, and Harry, Ron, that he loved her. After that, both supported the relationship, a big relief to Hermione.

The upcoming Saturday was suppose to be a year from when they officially started 'going out'. Severus never liked to call it that; he always said it sounded so juvenile, but Hermione never knew what else to call it. She often teased him for being so serious about such things, but now she wished she never did. He had every right to be so serious; his job required him to be.

The past year had been tough, but Hermione couldn't remember ever being so happy. She had Severus, Harry, Ron and Ginny, and she became closer to Neville and Luna. Seventh year, she was made Head Girl, and she made sure she did the best job possible. Sometimes she felt guilty for sneaking around with Severus, especially not telling her parents. In fact, she was planning on telling them on the upcoming Christmas holiday, and Severus was coming with her.

Hermione and Severus had it all planned out. Hermione had already written her parents, saying she wanted them to meet her boyfriend, and they invited him over for the holidays. He was not going to stay the entire time, only for a week, if it all went well. Headmaster Dumbledore gave him the week off, saying that he needed the break, and didn't bother asking where Severus was going for that week.

The relationship had already been put under the Fidelius charm, with Harry as the Secret Keeper, and a special exception that Hermione and Severus were allowed to talk about it. It took a lot of research to find that part of the charm. This way, those who they wish to tell wouldn't be able to talk about it, and therefore they wouldn't be able to compromise Severus' position as a spy.

Hermione gave a small smile when she thought about how much they both had changed over the year. Actually, Hermione never noticed any difference in Severus until Harry pointed out that he wasn't as harsh in class as he used to be. Of course, no one but Harry and Luna seemed to notice it. Everyone else just thought he was still the greasy bastard potions master. Hermione herself had grown up, something she was grateful for. She remembered the time they made love very well.

It only happened once, and it was definitely unplanned, but she never regretted it. In fact, she was tempted to sleep with him again, even though she knew they shouldn't. It hurt at first, but she quickly warmed up to it, and waking up the next morning, pressed up against him, no clothes, she felt that she could stay like that forever.

Now, she was ambivalent about how she felt about it. In one way, she was glad that it happened because now she would never get the chance again, but she was also depressed about it because of that same reason. She loved him so much . . . and she still loved it.

Hermione was brought out of her musings by a knock at the door. She didn't bother answering until she the person called out.

"Hermione! It's me, Harry. Can I come in?" he asked, muffled by the door. She didn't answer, only got up and opened the door. Harry greeted her with a handkerchief, and she gave him a sad smile. He walked in, closed the door, and walked her back her bed.

"You okay, Hermione?" he asked softly, worried. He was rarely in the same room as Hermione and Snape, but when he was, it was easy to tell how much they cared for each other. "It's not your fault, Hermione," he continued, correctly guessing that she blamed herself. "Voldemort found out about him because one of his Death Eaters overheard him telling Moody something he shouldn't have. Everyone is still in the dark about you two." It was then that Hermione broke down again. She cried so hard she was unable to breathe. Harry rubbed soothing circles on her back until she calmed down.

"I love him. I . . ." she couldn't finish because she started crying again.

"I know, Hermione. I know," he answered. "Just sleep. You'll feel better in the morning." He stayed with her until she fell asleep, then tucked her into her bed, then left to meet Dumbledore to talk about what was going to happen now.


End file.
